It’s dark outside and I’m supposed to be preparing for a test tomorrow, but I’m tired of integrals, derivatives, and all that other fun stuff. So like any other civilized being I open up UniBall and join an open game. Adrenaline is running and everyone is anxious to get the game started. This one particular player on my team, who I will leave anonymous (although his name starts with L and rhymes with ‘Quite Zero’) kept hogging the ball and trying to impress everyone with his dribbling skills; he didn’t realize overuse of dribbling is an ineffective strategy in the map minisoccer. And the few times he did pass or attempt to, anyway, he ended up giving the ball to the other team. I didn’t say much because he’s a veteran and I didn’t want to offend him or hurt his pride. But when he made a snide remark about the rest of his team, I let him know that he wasn’t all that great himself. We won that game, and he did score 8 points, but 5 of those were my assists. But of course 8 goals isn’t a record-breaker in minisoccer where one person usually stays behind. Nonetheless, his ego can’t help but let everyone know that he’s “the best.”
Or so he thinks.
As we play a few more games it becomes even more evident that his passing is atrocious. Finally he vents his anger and tells me “Don’t stop when I pass,” an ironic statement because I never started moving to begin with. I shrug it off because I know he’s incapable of good passes, but after he messes up again, he says it again. I snap at him and tell him not to blame others for his horrible passes.
And so I’ve finally insulted his ego. He does the classic, “Stfu, newbie.” And then he goes on about how he’s in the prestigious clan _____ (I’ll leave it anonymous but it rhymes with Gutterless Flush Boys). I’m not going to argue about semantics or the term newbie, because that topic has been gone over so many times in UB and any other interactive competition. I tell him that I’ve been playing before him so how does that make me a newbie. His response: I know C:\ personally so I doubt you’ve been playing before me. He goes on to tell me how he started playing before he was in college. Intrigued by his flawed logic I tell him, “My grandfather’s roommate’s sister’s nephew’s second degree cousin is C:\ so I’ve been playing before you.” And then he makes a joke about my mother. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s the only college student who still says mom jokes. Anyway, while we’re arguing like newbies, (I won’t deny that it was immature of me to argue back regardless of how stupid his comments were) my team loses.
The personal moral of this story is for me to ignore any further talks with this dimwit, sorry excuse for a human, but I need to attach a message for everyone in order to get this rant posted in the UBC rants section. So here goes the most important part of this rant (for you, anyway):
In UB, the internet and in life, you’ll come across numerous individuals who slander you. As dense and insulting as he/she may seem, remember to keep your cool because it’s not only you that suffer in the end, but your entire team.
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